annieyu 说:The new secretary hurriedly finished a letter and gave it to nthe boss for his signature.The boss detected a minor typing error,but signed the letter anyway.Before she mailed it,the secretary also noticed her mistake,so she typed a revision and placed on the boss desk with the note,"Please resign."(resign 重签 resign辞职)
annieyu 说:A plump old lady struggled up onto a bus without her husband making any attempt to help her."Eh,Henry",she said ,as she sank into a seat ,"you ain't as gallant as you were when I was a gal."
"No,luv",he replied,"and you ain't as buoyant as you were when I was a boy'.
harvey66 说:Sometimes I cant understand English joks.
What does "something light" mean ?
annieyu 说:New patient(to nurse): I don't need to undress--I just want to see the doctor for him to look at my sore toe.
Nurse:Our rule is that everyone undresses.
Patientumb rule,making me undress to look at my toe.
Voice from the next room:That's nothing,I came in to fix telephone.
Haha,Harvey,is it your hospital?
harvey66 说:We only do that to some VIP.lol
Could I get some excuse to make people undress to look at their eyes ?( by the way, I am an ophthalmologist.)
annieyu 说:This is another joke maybe this is not a hospital but an art center and You are not an ophthalmologist but a Liu Haishu.
harvey66 说:I know you are a native southern lady now, because you said Liu Haishu other than Liu Haisu.
annieyu 说:You got the point,I always made such kind of mistakes but actually I was born in Baotou city,Inner MOngolia autonomous region.My parents lived in north-east China before they moved to Baotou.Do you know that place?
ha ha,this a popular misunderstanding just like the foreigner think all of chinese can play Taiji or Gongfu,I lived in city as the same as Suzhou .Even I did not see any grassland except on TV screen.I also can not say a words of Mongolian.Most of our classmates's parents come from north-east China .We share the same accent.So that is the reason my speaking score is so low due to my terrible accent.harvey66 说:I know that city. My wife even had an idea to travel to Inner Mongolia autonomous region. I also think the grassland is attractive.
By the way, can you speak Mongolian ? Can you sing the popular song "Ji xiang san bao " in Mongolian ?
annieyu 说:ha ha,this a popular misunderstanding just like the foreigner think all of chinese can play Taiji or Gongfu,I lived in city as the same as Suzhou .Even I did not see any grassland except on TV screen.I also can not say a words of Mongolian.Most of our classmates's parents come from north-east China .We share the same accent.So that is the reason my speaking score is so low due to my terrible accent.
annieyu 说:My neighbor is ,like most fishmen,an incurable optimist.I asked him one morning how the fishing was going."Better ,"he replied ,"last week I went out for four hours and didn't catch a thing.Yesterday I had the same result in only three hours.
Harvey 66,facing the fishman do you fell ashamed of yourself?Here is a real incurable optimist.
harvey66 说:Yes, like what did you say: stereotype thrives where there is ignorance. I am an idiot.
annieyu 说:So Harvey,this is what your doctors usually do?
This also reminds me as a wife I need some common sense of all kinds of diseases in case I also fall into this kind of pitfalls.
annieyu 说:Neighbour: I heard a big noise in front of your house last night.What happened to you?
Husband:It was nothing.My wife was a bit cross,and threw my overcoat out of the window.
Neighbour: Your overcoat? But how could it make such a noise?
Husband:I.......I happened to be inside the coat.
harvey66 说:yes, the patients sometimes are ignorance, so doctors can play trick with them. and the wives sometimes are ignorance, so husbands can fool them.
So, be more careful about your husband's behavior.
robot 说:haha, funny.
in addition,annie, you are great.
annieyu 说:about the last joke what is your opinion about the woman in the angle of a husband?
annieyu 说:A college eNGLISH PROFESSOR WROTE THE WORDS "woman without a her man is a savage"on the blackboard ,and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
He foind the men looked at it one way.and the girls another.
The males wrote."woman,without her man, is a savage!"
Te females wrote,"Woman,without her,man is a savage!"
Then what is your opinion,and how will you punctuate it?Harvey?
annieyu 说:LOL,it seems like you ,the doctor is playing trick between my husband and me.Ha......
harvey66 说:Maybe he didnt know women before marriage, but I think a marriage is good opportunity to learn them.
And I think it is the same to a woman.Right?
annieyu 说:Teaching is learning too.(教学相长)
annieyu 说:A woman was telling about the friendship between he son Christopher and Katie,a neighbor's daughter .The two of five-year-olds were inseperable all summer,climbing trees,riding bikes,,swimming,and having great fun inthe sun.Then Semptember arrived,and they excitedly awaited their first day in kindergarten.On the big day,Katie put on a pretty dress with lace trim.When she rang his doorbell,Christopher rushed to open the door,took one look at Katie and ran to his room drying."What's the matter,Christopher?"asked his mother."It's Katie,"he sobbed,"she is a girl!"
annieyu 说:I had just finished tucking our four young ones into bed one evening when I heard sobbing coming from Eric's room.Rushing to his side,I found him crying hysterically.He had swallowed a five-cent coin and was sure he was going to die.Desperate to calm him,my husband produced an other coin from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Eric's ear.The boy was delighted.He snatched the coin from his father 's hand ,swallowed it and demanded cheerfully "Do it again,Dad!"
harvey66 说:This is a joke, but let me think of the way we should take in children's education.
My son told me a story today: Some kids wanted to watch a movie in which there is their favorite star. But their dad didnt let them do because there is a little bit sexual and violent contents.they felt unhappy. The next morning the dad made pies for their breakfast which are his kids' favorite food.He told his children that some a new ingredient are added. The children were cheered and asked what it is .Their dad said it is a fly.the children were surprised. The day tell that except the little bit fly the pies are wonderful. the kids still didnt want to eat.Then the wise father said although the sexual and violent content is only a little bit, the movie was not suitable for you.
The children understood and never asked for it.
My hinted that I should take a better way to educate him.( I punished him the day before)
I am not sure I just guess handle has another meaning (把柄),so flying of the handle means 中伤和诽谤乱飞或流传harvey66 说:Annie, I dont know what does "flying of the handle" mean in the above joke, could you help me ?
annieyu 说:I am not sure I just guess handle has another meaning (把柄),so flying of the handle means 中伤和诽谤乱飞或流传
harvey66 说:fly off the handle (informal)
to react in a very angry way to something someone says or does. He really flew off the handle when I suggested selling the house.
see:http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/flying+off+the+handle
harvey66 说:jump to conclusions
to guess the facts about a situation without having enough information. I might be jumping to conclusions but I've seen them together twice in town.
The investigation isn't finished, so let's not jump to conclusions about what caused the plane to crash
harvey66 说:A teacher called upon the classroom to make sentences with words previously chosen. The teacher smiled when Pete, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with words "Defeat" "Defense" "Deduct" and "Detail". Pete stood thinking for a while, all eyes focoused on him while his classmates awaited him reply. Smiling, he proudly said, "defeat of deduct went over denfense before detail. "
harvey66 说:" The econy is weird." Remarked one worker to another, " My bank failed before the toaster did."
annieyu 说:I could not understand this joke.
Harry 说:TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School--Go Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校----慢行。"
harvey66 说:FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
harvey66 说:A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
harvey66 说:In a darken theater where the suspenseful mystery story was being staged, a member of the audience suddenly stood up and cried, “Where is the murdered?”
A threatening voice behind her replied, “Right in back of you, if you don’t sit down!”
One CEO always scheduled staff meetings for 4:30 on Friday afternoons. One of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, the CEO explained, “I’ll tell you its very simple ? it’s the only time of the week when none of you seems to want to argue with me.”
What a funny joke.I really enjoy it but I am not certain about the meaning of this sentence---Then all hell broke loose,who can explain it?
The psychiatrist said sternly to the patient: “If you think you are walking out of here cured after only three sessions, you are crazy.”
The Visa officer said sternly to the applicant:"If you think you can get your ME within one year ,you have to see psychiatrist."
The Visa officer said sternly to the applicant:"If you think you can get your ME within one year ,you have to see psychiatrist."
I have been waiting for one and half year.
Hope is just ahead .Autumn is the season not only for Harvest but for Harvey as well.
A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asks her husband to do.
Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."
"Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
I am not certain about this sentence which I have underlined.Would you mind explaining it for me?
An old man lived alone in Idaho. (爱达华州)He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.(困境)
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
I would like to get into this kind of room too
Have you noticed that someone who got FN in April 21st,2006,has received his/her ME,so maybe you are going to grasp your one too .